Saturday, March 27, 2010

Girl Code for the win!!!!!!

You know that guy who's a douche when he comes in the bar when he and his wife are fighting?
You know....the asshole who thinks he's super cool but he's really just annoying everyone plus you have to practically sit on his lap to keep your regulars from kicking his ass? But then you throw him out anyway because you just can't take it anymore?

Do you know that eventually, this guy and his wife will make up, then he'll bring her in with him and expect you to act like he was a really nice guy and super cool the last several times he was in? And do you know that if you make fun of him when he goes to the bathroom, you and his wife will end up laughing and being super close bestest friends? And do you know, he'll leave you a ridiculously big tip for keeping your mouth shut about him to his wife?

HA HA HA!!!! Jokes on you buddy!!! I already told her!!!!! You're getting it good when you guys get home!!!! She and I will still be friends but you're still a douche!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Clarifying the title of this blog

To clarify......
I have kids, I work in bars. These are the two aspects of my life that I will be writing about mostly and so I thought they should both be in the title. Notice that I did NOT name it "Kids in bars". I think this is worth noting as that would be weird. I generally disagree with letting kids hang out in bars for several reasons.
  • They pick up brand new words from the old guys at happy hour
  • Bar food (though delicious) is not very nutritious
  • They always seem to misplace the cue ball
  • They are too short to play darts well
  • They keep beating my photo hunt score on the Touchmaster
  • They don't tip very well
Here is a word problem for you math minded folk.

Q. Four kids live here. Two kids live next door. Five kids got off the bus and came into the house. There are eight kids on the trampoline outside right now and one napping upstairs. How many cheeseburgers should I make for dinner?

A. I hope I have extra tater tots